In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are.The awards this year are, once again, truly classic.

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

Just think... until these events, these same people were walking the streets like normal people.

5th RUNNER-UP:

Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift

tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on

a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at

Central Mammoth Hospital.

The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's

department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski

run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from

lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police

Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers.

The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and

Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and

determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP:

Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St.

Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo

grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without

paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.

Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had

choked him to death.

3rd RUNNER-UP:

Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing

above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it

fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP:

"Man loses face at party."

A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last

year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse

in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit

down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and

tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a

prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Police Cpl. M.D.

Payne.

"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying

to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you

how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew

all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer

was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial

injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical

Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,"

Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP:

Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot

through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be

released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye

last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain

Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous)

in Grants Pass, Oregon.

A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow

entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1

millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and

Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny

Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went

through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear

of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.

Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on

his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted

afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon.

Said Roberts, I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed,

but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the

initiation stunt is under investigation.

Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:

(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of

the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica

concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but

having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to

"hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled

their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.

Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the

fence and then assist his friend over.

Unfortunate for (the late) Mr Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on

the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found

himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and

broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his

shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and

saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break

his fall; he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his

shorts to free himself from the tree.

Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp

leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of

his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters

worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins,

seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope

and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck

and slowly driving away.

However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse

and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing

himself. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver

thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive

internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it

half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a

knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25

feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win!